Atlanta is My Home
Atlanta is My Home
20
Jul
7
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
Dear Mr. Vick,
How can I get a refund on the child-sized Vick jersey that I used to look so adorable in? I don’t be wearing it any more.
Sincerely,
Mist 1
2 Comments20
Jul
James Joyce
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
My fifth grade teacher taught me that the mind is a source of energy. If I learned how to harness this energy through visualization exercises, I would be able to pass the fifth grade on the first try. I could do anything if I took the time to visualize myself doing it first.
She instructed us to picture ourselves as calm, confident, and mature boys and girls who were ready for success. With my eyes closed, I saw myself recording answers on a bubble sheet, clearly and completely, without leaving stray marks. Children who do not receive this kind of instruction, never learn the correct way to fill in the bubbles. They mark them with an X and sometimes, a check mark. It’s a safe assumption that children like this don’t pass the fifth grade on their first try. Without knowledge of visualization techniques, they grow up to believe that they can’t do anything.
Chris, the bartender at James Joyce, never learned about the power of self-imagery. He didn’t take the time to picture himself pouring a perfect Paulaner with a slice of orange or a tall Crown and Coke. Lisa and I visualized our drinks arriving but, there is only so much the mind can do without telekinesis.
Lisa channeled her energy into searching her purse for nothing in particular. She pulled out a book about the human aura and read the back cover. She stared just past my head with her head tilted to one side and her eyes slightly crossed. I sat perfectly still. She said that my aura looked like it wanted a beer. She is a seer. Chris slipped off into the kitchen. I took a picture of my shoes. Lisa clicked her nails.
I began to visualize myself someplace else; someplace without Chris. I could think of plenty of places without Chris. Lisa had the same thought. She excused herself to the restroom, conveniently available without Chris.
I walked a few steps away from the table and was visualizing myself finding my keys in my purse when I felt someone standing over me. Chris threw his hands up and said that our drinks were poured and at the end of the bar. I explained to Chris that it is customary to place a beverage in front of the person who ordered it.
Chris raised his voice, “I can’t pour a beer back into a keg and I can’t pour the Crown and Coke back either.”
“Sure you can, Chris. You can do anything if you put your mind to it. I believe in you.”
Mist 1
Leave a Comment28
Jun
Pearly Whites
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
Thank goodness Paris didn’t have to do her time in a GA state prison. She could have had to use toothpaste contaminated with diethylene glycol (an ingredient in anti-freeze).
Mist 1
4 Comments27
Jun
Wayne’s Dog
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
District Attorney Paul Howard said at a news conference held at a local radio station that seven dog hairs from five of the murder cases were compared to hairs from Williams’ dog, Sheba.
“All seven hairs tested are the same as Sheba’s, the dog of Wayne Williams,” Howard said.
Good dog, Sheba.
Mist 1
Leave a Comment26
Jun
WWWTF
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
“He wasn’t rude but he wasn’t really outwardly warm,” said Alaina Jones. Her mother, Lorre, said, “My husband had met him and his wife, or came over and said hi. He seemed like a really nice guy.”
If I ever flip out, and murder my family, I hope my neighbors say that I seemed like a really nice person.
Mist 1
4 Comments25
Jun
Off on a Warning
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
Dear APD,
Thank you for the warning that I was driving too fast. Also, thank you for commenting on my sexy hair last night.
I appreciate all that you do to protect and to serve the community. Especially when I don’t get ticketed.
Yours,
Mist 1
Leave a Comment24
Jun
For the Love of Kittens
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
I swear, I never go to these kind of places. Seriously. But, I noticed an adorable little kitten, stuck in a tree directly above Aphrodite’s Toy Box. Being an animal lover, I promptly pulled over and rescued the kitten.
Since, I was in the parking lot, I decided to drop in on Aphrodite’s Toy Box. That’s where I found the Double Dolphin toy for couples. It is turquoise and matches my sheets perfectly.
I will spare the details for people who are unfortunate to drink to much with me. Let me just say, Best Sex Ever.
I plan on writing the good people who invented this contraption a glowing email. Just as soon as I wash my sheets.
1 Comment19
Jun
Auntie Em
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
I don’t think we’re in New York any more, Toto.
Thanks, for fixing the technical issues. It’s good to be back.
Mist 1
Leave a Comment19
Jun
NYC
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
I logged in this morning, only to see that this blog has been renamed. Apparently, I moved overnight while I slept.
I was just getting good at my Southern accent.
Mist 1
Ed Note: We had a slight issue with the blogs, but all is well now. Back to Atlanta…
Leave a Comment18
Jun
Pacman Jones
Author: MistOne, Category: Uncategorized
DeKalb County police officers are still searching for Pacman after a an incident last night at Club Blaze on Moreland Avenue.
Latest reports are that Pacman is still eluding police. Several shots were exchanged at the scene of the crime. Officer Blinky was wounded when Pacman powered up and swallowed him whole, but luckily, the officer’s eyes were able to escape and Blinky was regenerated.
Anyone with knowledge of Pacman’s location should contact DeKalb County police. Police hope to catch the suspect before he is awarded a bonus life at 10,000 points.
A police sketch artist has created the image below. Police consider Pacman to be armed and dangerous and urge the public to use extreme caution if Pacman is in the vicinity.
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